


family

by notadove



Series: when passion grows strong, only doves survive the storm [2]
Category: Aşk 101 | Love 101 (TV 2020)
Genre: F/M, Future Fic, Not Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-19 04:00:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29744661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notadove/pseuds/notadove
Summary: A 2 part fic of sinan doing a lot of introspecting and thinking about Kids
Relationships: Sinan/Isik
Series: when passion grows strong, only doves survive the storm [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2186163
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Same note as the first part of this series:
> 
> ***** Spoilers for season 1 *******  
> As of now, this isn't very canon compliant since it seems like Sinan is either de*d or that he and Isik just aren't together in the future. In this fic, I am choosing to believe that they have a happy ever after :)
> 
> *************************************
> 
> Also I haven't really proofread oops

They’ve never really talked about it before.

He knows that’s wrong - there are few things universally agreed upon, and one of those things is discussing children before getting married. But the thing is, he’d do anything if it meant having Isik in his life.. so what was the point of discussing it?

He doesn’t want them. He’s never been fond of kids, not even when he was a kid himself. Add in all his trauma surrounding families and parent-child relationships, and he was basically the definition of a man who shouldn’t be a father.

But Isik - she’d be amazing as a mom. She’s caring, and sweet, and she would love them so much. With her as a mom, he doubted he could screw them up as much as his parents screwed him up.

They’ve been married for 5 years and they still haven’t talked about it. Sinan knows that some women want to do this thing when they're younger, so he decides to bite the bullet and Talk About It.

They’re having dinner together on a Wednesday. She tells him stories about her day - her patients, her coworkers, Eda’s texts - and he responds with his usual philosophical remarks and sarcasm. Normally they’d get into a few debates, but tonight is different.

“Isik. Do you want children?”

There’s silence for a few seconds before she’s giggling “Sinan, that’s coming out of nowhere! I thought you didn’t want them. I don’t feel too strongly about it, I’m okay without.”

But Sinan can see the desire in her eyes. “I don’t want them, but I can tell you do. I want to make you happy.”

She grins at him and says “You do,” before going back to eating.

All things considered, he’s gotten an out. She’s not pushing for them, and she's still smiling at him. And yet, something feels weird.

It takes him another year to realize what feels weird. He’s visiting Isik on his lunch break, and he’s told she’s in the children's ward drawing with the kids. He sees the enraptured look on the kids' faces, the joy and laughter in Isik's eyes.

And he realizes he wants this. He doesn’t know how he feels about being a father, but he wants so badly for Isik to be a mom, for their house to have the sound of a child’s laughter. He knows she’ll never agree unless he truly wants a family with her.

He texts Eda, “I think Isik wants children, I want Isik to have children, but I don’t know if I want to be a dad.”

She immediately texts back “u don’t pay me enough for this shit asshole”

but then a second later “just talk to her. and ur therapist. what the fuck do u mean u don’t know if u want to be a dad it’s either yes or no”

He decides to take her latter advice, and after work he’s talking to Omer. He’s been going to therapy for nearly 10 years now, about the same length of time he’s been sober. Isik was the one who found Omer and scheduled their first meeting. He hated the thought of it - sitting on a couch and describing how much he wanted to die sometimes, how alcohol helped when the bitterness and pain were too much. It sounded like torture. But she insisted that he should try it and stick with it for a couple visits, and that she really thought he’d get along with Omer.

She was right. Omer was a bit of an asshole, which was exactly what Sinan needed. He didn’t get scared when Sinan would shout in his face with the most cruel words he could find, he didn’t sugarcoat anything, and he spoke bluntly. He reminded Sinan a lot of Eda or Kemal, but he also had the experience and education to give Sinan advice. He helped him through alcohol withdrawal, and his fears over marrying Isik, and everything else Sinan needed help with. The visits became way less frequent in recent years, which Sinan took as a point of pride.

“You know I’m fucked up. She deserves better, but for some reason she’s decided that I’m good enough. And she said she’d be okay without children, but I know how much she’d love them. I want that for her, and I think maybe I want it too, but I can’t imagine having to raise and take care of a person like that. How can I be sure I won’t screw it up with the kid, or with Isik?”

Omer looks at him carefully.

“Sinan, you’ve been taking care of your grandpa and dog since you were a child yourself. Marriage is all about caring for another person, and from what I can tell you and Isik are still happy with each other. Don’t downplay your own caretaking abilities. And sure, you don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, but no one does. All we can do is live as happily as we can in the moment, and try our best. Do you really think anything could make you want to purposefully screw it up with the people you love?”

“Omer, I’m obviously not talking about messing up on purpose!”

“Well then, I don’t think you need to worry. I think you underestimate how much she loves you too. She’d forgive you if she thought you deserve it, just like how you’d forgive her too. To me, it sounds like your fears right now are similar to the fears you had surrounding marrying her. You’re scared of loving someone and being loved back. You’re scared of trusting yourself, and trusting another person. If you truly didn’t want kids, this would be a different conversation completely. But I think you do, and you need to think about why you’re not ready yet and whether you will ever be ready. I also think you should talk to Isik about everything. She wants you to be happy too."

It hits Sinan later - as he’s sitting on the bench outside his house - that although he’s still not ready for kids, he’s more ready than he was 10 years ago.

His 17 year old self only envisioned dying of liver failure as his future. The young him would never have believed he’d fall in love, get married, get a stable job. He’d never imagine being so sober in the future that drinking a little on special occasions was enough to get him hungover.

The 30 year old man he is now knows he can love someone fully, and take care of them, and apologize to them when he makes mistakes. The man he is now can recognize that he’d make a far, far better father than the one he had.

He goes in to start the kettle and chop vegetables. He hears her come in, her bright voice already greeting the dog and grandpa. Next thing he feels is her arms wrapping around him and her head resting on his back.

“Pinar said you came to see me for lunch today but I didn’t see you, is everything okay?”

He turns around and slings his hands around her waist, his head in her floral scented hair.

“Mhm, I saw you with those children and started thinking about how you’d make an amazing mom”

She pulls back a bit. “Sinan... I told you, I’m perfectly happy. I love you, and my job, and our home. That’s all I need.”

He looks her in the eyes and finally decides to be fully honest. “Isik, the thing is... I’m not ready to be a father. But I feel like I might be one day. And I want you to have a tiny person to nag, and I think I maybe even want that tiny person too. I just - I just don’t know when or if I’ll ever be ready.”

The smile on her face is breathtaking, and then she’s reaching up to kiss him. She pulls back a bit to speak, and their lips brush the entire time: “Well, if you ever are, you know I’ll be ready too. And if you are never ready, that’s alright. I have you to nag, and that’s all I need anyway”

He’s breathing out a laugh, feeling the relief of finally being fully open with her course through his veins, and he pulls her in closer.

  
It’s 6 months after that night that Isik starts to feel a little sick. She hasn’t been able to keep food down, and the stomach bug has lasted weeks. One morning, he realizes something.

“Isik, don’t you normally have your period towards the end of the month?”

She pauses stretching, and turns to look at him with wide eyes. “Yeah, I normally do... do you think...?”

And he feels the fear clog up his throat for a second, before he clears it and just says “Maybe. I can pick up some tests after work.”

“Alright. We haven’t really talked about it..” she bites her lip, and this is what breaks him out of the mild panic he was in. He reaches over to tug her bottom lip out, pecks her, and says “We can talk tonight, you should get ready for work.”

After work, he goes to the nearby drugstore and picks up 5 different brands.

In the past couple of months, he’s started talking about children as a “when” and not an “if”. He knows she’s noticed this, but they haven’t officially decided anything. He’s still scared and worried, but he also doesn’t feel completely unprepared anymore.

After a dinner that could almost feel normal, she takes 2 of the tests with her to the bathroom. He places their dishes in the sink before going to the bathroom to wait with her.

She looks at him, and with a jolt he realizes she’s scared too. He steps closer, pulls her in to a hug.

“No matter what, we’re doing this together. You’re my wife and I love you.”

With those words, she relaxes a bit. When the timer goes off, they look at the pregnancy tests and see the 2 lines.

Suddenly, she’s crying and squeezing him tightly.

“We’re having a baby!!!”

In that moment, as she smiles at him with tears in her eyes, he realizes he’s never felt happier.


	2. 2 years later

There’s a light on in the kitchen when he gets back from a late shift. A cold plate of food rests on the table, and the sink is filled with dirty dishes. He finishes his food, places the plate in the sink, and then goes into the dark bedroom.

The moonlight shining in through the windows is enough for him to see, and he quickly gets ready for bed.

He walks towards the crib in the corner of the room. She’s knocked out, holding the teddy bear that she calls “Os” since Osman gave it to her. Her long eyelashes rest on chubby cheeks, her growing blonde hair tangled around her face. Sometimes he can hardly believe how much he can love someone so small. He presses a kiss to his fingertips and places those fingertips on a cheek, before walking over to the bed.

Isik must not have slept for very long because she wakes when he slips into bed. She scoots over into his arms and sighs, “We really missed you today. She’s such a daddy’s girl, she wouldn’t stop crying for you when I was trying to read her a story.”

He can’t help the smile on his face, and he bends to kiss his wife’s pout. “She always cries for you when you’re at work too. I missed both of you all day” he replies.

More than 2 years have passed since he told Isik he wasn’t ready to be a father just yet, and he can’t believe he could’ve ever not wanted his baby in his life. He knows their life together was already happy, but in the past year since she was born, his heart has felt more full than ever before in his entire life.

He’s 32 now. Isik has been in his life for nearly half of it.

He never knew life could be this happy.


End file.
